The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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