Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
