Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
