What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
