I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
