how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
