so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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