As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
