Apparently you make a good broom.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
