Someone shit on the floor
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
