We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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