Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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