Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I believe in your delicious
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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