I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
well you can't waste a boner
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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