I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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