you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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