What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
