my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
