I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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