I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
