i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
