saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
