I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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