im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
