I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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