They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
