I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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