i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
