Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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