I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
