I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
