You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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