can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
