I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
