she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
