I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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