I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
