absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
