I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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