just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
