why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
