I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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