Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
