he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
