There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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