Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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