did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
