he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
