she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
When are your genitals available?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
