I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
