plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
