she woke up with a sticky ear
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
