How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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